Blog


Person with Person

Lives are fuelled by conflicting ideals, sometimes in the unconscious, be they political, cultural, ecological, scientific, spiritual, philosophical or religious.  One person’s god is another’s devil.  Thereby lies the root of division and strife.  We may do better by turning our gaze towards each other if cultivating peace and love is our aim.  Consider this:  "Religious feeling within humankind in the future will be based on recognising the image of the divinity in every human being as a matter of immediate daily experience, not merely in theory.  …

Be Together. Not The Same

"Be Together.  Not the Same.  Be Yourself.  Do your thing.  See what’s going on."   So says the advert for Android, The Open Source Operating System.  These words could also stand as a useful guide for operating healthily in human relationships.    But relationships between humans are complex. Your are not an android.  Being yourself can be a painful struggle, not sure of who that self is, comparing against others, seeking validation and sometmes trying to be the same in an effort to live up to the expectations of others.    …

Time

Time is the currency of relationships.  It is rarely appreciated how important this is, with couples routinely ignoring the need for investment of time and nurturing in their relationship.  The area of relationships is one of three identified by researchers that commonly suffer under stressful conditions:  Productivity, Relationships and Personal Wellbeing.  A person’s unique character structure and family background will determine how well performance in each area can be maintained.  Unfortunately, relationships often suffer most under today’s intensely stressful conditions. …

Authentic self?

Our authentic self is a relational entity.  It is created by us through relationship to others.  “We define our identity always in dialogue with, sometimes in struggle against, the identities our significant others want to recognize in us. And even when we outgrow some of the latter — our parents, for instance — and they disappear from our lives, the conversation with them continues within us as long as we live.” (Taylor, Charles. The Ethics of Authenticity. Cambridge: Harvard University Press, 1991, p33)  

Male / Female

New research shows that maleness or femaleness is not just about the presence of ovaries or testicles and the different hormones they secrete to develop a male or female body.  Neurobiological factors play their part in developing distinctly different patterns in the structure of male and female brains.  It has been shown that these brain structures are instrumental in how a person develops their sexual tendencies and gender role behaviours.  What’s more, brain and body develop independently from different hormonal signals.  …

Collaboration

I get more clients coming for help with relationships at this time of year.  January traditionally sees the highest number of divorce applications(1), although nationally, rates fell from 2011 to 2012(2).  Coming for help as a couple, especially with a sexual issue, can be difficult.  Some couples are not comfortable talking to each other and some find it easier to talk about sexual issues with a professional.  For others it’s the other way round.  Men are less likely to seek help than women.  When they do, they are more likely to see the issue as concerning their partner only and of a physical nature with no need to attend as a couple(3).   …

Inherently disorderly?

For most people, sex defines the couple relationship and issues around it are certainly present in my therapy room.  Is sex inherently disorderly? When does it ever run smoothly? Ever since a certain man called Adam and a woman named Eve found themselves alone in a garden, sex has brought conflict and distress. They follow their desire, find sexual knowledge and are banished by parental authority to a life of drudgery(1). There is a paradoxical conflict between desire and security, as often one cancels the other out in long term relationships(2). …


© Matt Davies 2013