Be Together. Not The Same

"Be Together.  Not the Same.  Be Yourself.  Do your thing.  See what’s going on."   So says the advert for Android, The Open Source Operating System.  These words could also stand as a useful guide for operating healthily in human relationships.    But relationships between humans are complex. Your are not an android.  Being yourself can be a painful struggle, not sure of who that self is, comparing against others, seeking validation and sometmes trying to be the same in an effort to live up to the expectations of others.    Doing your thing is often the thing you think you should be doing.  Seeing what’s going on can be clouded in emotion.  You interpret, you judge, you assume, you think, you feel and you behave, sometimes unpredictably.   So how do you go about being together, not the same, being yourself, doing your thing and seeing what’s going on?   Surely not through relationship?  Relationships drive you to despair and into your cave of isolation?  Right?.  Yes sometimes.   And paradoxically, relationships also show you the way out of it.  Through relationship with others you can gradually build your awareness, get to know yourself, your wounds and your defensive conditioning.  By observing yourself in relationship, seeing what’s going on, you can identify reactive patterns of behaviour that make you into an automaton hiding your pain, vulnerability and anger.  We could add a postscript to the Android advert:  Tune in.  Listen deeply.  Relax.  Increase experimentation.  Communicate process.

(NB. Does not apply to abusive relationships)

© Matt Davies 2013